I'm struggling with feeling totally, completely abandoned by God, like he has forgotten what he's doing and forgotten about me.

I'm trying to keep my sanity tonight and think about truth and life outside of myself and my feelings. I thought of the Archives of Anthropos. When I've read those books and the Spirit Flyer Series, this in one thing that has always stood out to me, something that I first remember noticing one day in Cotonou a long time ago. We come to points in the stories where a character has a choice about what to do: trust an unknown evil, do what seems right, do what feels good, or trust and obey Gaal... We readers sometimes foresee the consequences, and we beg the character not to go the wrong path but to stick with what Gaal said, or to "just do it!" about something—let go, forgive, trust, or whatever is asked rightly of him or her. "Please," we plead. "It's so clear. Don't you see it?" But we ourselves are in a real story much like these I mentioned. In the books, I know that Gaal is good and right and things will work out right if one obeys and trusts him. I know because I can look ahead at the end. I know because of reading past stories about him. I know because he's Gaal, and what more can I say. The good-looking thing that wasn't in Gaal's plan isn't actually good. But the character can't see that? Sometimes I feel some disdain for the character... In my own life it's so much harder. God gives good gifts. Accept that. Trust. Obey. Could I stop fighting? Could I believe? Will all my "knowing," it still seems impossibly hard. Jesus, I want to receive with both hands.